Staggering forward… 

What do you do when you are faced with a situation that has no easy solution?

No ‘quick fix’.
No ‘medical breakthrough.’ No ‘miracle’ cure.
No ‘diagnosis.’
No ‘explanation.’

You talk to dozens of doctors and specialists and get the same puzzled looks and quizzical expressions, usually followed by…

“Well, she certainly is a mystery.”

There was no end in sight.

What would you do?

Here’s what we did. We staggered forward.

We knew that Jessica ‘the blessed one’ was a very special person loved by God, and we loved her all the more tenderly as the years passed by. Renée and I and our children, Jamie and Jon, formed a ferocious bond of love with this petite little girl who does not speak, nor in her early years, even sit up or roll around.

We could sense her strong little spirit behind her disabilities, and we showered her with our love and attention. I think it could be said that, if love could cure her she would be cured. And this mysterious little stranger gave us many unforgettable lessons in ‘unselfish love.’

Hold on Tight.

All the while Jessica endured the tests and probing and poking, and the days inched slowly by, turning into months and the months into years. We staggered forward, growing closer and closer together, helping each other cope, holding on tight and trusting the wisdom of God. I remember that day in the hospital when we first met and she grabbed my finger tight and held on so fiercely, as if to say...’ hold on tight dad!’

Our friends and our faith in God comforted us and we went slowly forward, measuring Jessica’s progress in the minutest of terms.

“I think she looked… noticed… reached out to me… today!” Her life was in perpetual slow motion.

The ‘Mysterious Villain’ Eludes Us Daily.

Of course, the ‘search’ continued unabated for the mysterious villain that had harmed her, and we never stopped looking for the answer. Sometimes, when we were exhausted mentally and physically we would be feeling like quitting… then one look into Jessica’s eyes, and sharing a look with her, was all it took to keep going and going and going.

When you have a ‘handicapped’ or ‘special’ child, sometimes in your dreams at night you see her running and laughing and playing and the joy in your heart is indescribable. When you wake up, you go to where your child is sleeping and with tears running down your cheeks, you just sit and watch and marvel at what might have been .

Loving Jessica & ‘Growing Up.’

Loving a child like Jessica is a sometimes bittersweet experience. The pain is there, yet the day by day victories and defeats enrich your life in amazing ways. You ‘grow up’ as you go forward. Little things happen that are kind of glimmers of the beauty of the experience.

I remember my son Jon, when he was playing football, was sometimes arriving late for practice because he was baby sitting his ‘little sister’. As you can imagine he was razzed a little by the other kids, but especially by one of the coaches who ridiculed him and teased him. Jon never mentioned this to us, even though it must have been humiliating to him personally.

He endured it for us and for Jessica… a rather unselfish and very mature act for a ten year old.

When I found out at the end of the year at the football banquet, what had been going on, I rolled Jessica up to the coach in her wheelchair and said to him…

“This is Jon’s little sister, do you have any questions?” Blushing, he mumbled his apologies.

As a result a burly football coach was given a lesson in unselfish love by a ten year old and his three year old special little sister. I ask you, who was the one with the real handicap?

I recall another time that I was feeling a little down and not coping very well with things in general. In my dismay, I locked myself in my home office. Not one of my better moments, you might say.

My daughter Jamie who was about twelve, slipped a note under my door, it read…

‘Dear Dad, I love you. I am sorry you are feeling bad. Please unlock the door. I miss you. Love, Jamie’.

Another lesson in love and compassion. I kept that note for years.

Jessica has never spoken one word, and yet she has written volumes across our hearts and the hearts of everyone who knows us. It is an amazing adventure.

The Marvel that is ‘Jessica-land.’

When we have shared the fact, (with those people who know us) that I am writing a book to share with others, they often breakdown and cry. It is a mysterious thing, and a marvel to me. It gives me a much bigger perspective of life in ‘Jessica-land.’ The impact of little Jessica on all of us, is immeasurable. I am sure it is a bigger impact on the world than I have made in my entire life of working and striving.

God really does work in mysterious and wondrous ways. I know because everyday I look into the eyes of one of His little masterpieces, the ‘blessed one,’ that is ‘consecrated to God’... dear sweet Jessica.

It takes my breath away.

Next Week: “Mind Numbing Anxiety…Gasping for Breath.”

I will continue to share the answers to the question “What happened to Jessica?” every Monday in the weeks ahead. When I have received sufficient feedback and questions, I will add a Thursday episode, as needed, to this blog, focused on answering your questions and comments.

Thanks for your interest.

Jim, Renee & Jessica