Growing up with Jessica… she fixed us, as we ‘grew up’ with her.

So there you have it… a peek into Jessica’s life, and our lives. The true story.

Renée and Jamie and Jon and Jessica and I, have been on this exciting adventure in ‘Jessica-land’ for many, many years now and it has sometimes been a wild ride.

There have been the slow moments of mysterious anticipation, like a roller coaster climbing to the top of a precipice, and then a few giddy, giggly, light moments at the top, before you rush downward into the void with a goose bump popping rush.

You rush right and left, up and down, barreling suddenly around a corner into the dark and out again into the blazing light. It is definitely not boring, if you know what I mean.

From My Heart to Yours.

I have done my very best for you.

I have tried to give you an honest sample of how we have staggered on, and why and how. How we grew stronger, overcoming despair and ‘growing up’ right along with Jessica.

As I said earlier, I may not know who you are or why you are reading this. However, I do know this. You and I may never pass this way again, and so I have shared the innermost thoughts of my heart with you to hopefully offer you the same hope that I have discovered. I am not ashamed to admit, that many times the tears came as I relived the good times and the bad, along with you.

Our family is not somehow super special. We are just an ordinary family in extraordinary circumstances.

True Love.

Renée and I have discovered something vitally important. In fact, it is the most important discovery of our lives. It is what I call the ‘answers to life’.

I mentioned before how Renée and I began to study the Bible, looking for answers to questions like, “Is GOD really out there?” or “Was the Bible TRUE?” or “What was REAL TRUE LOVE all about?”

Well, as I have said, we found the answers to our questions.

We found our Christian faith in God and it was the solid rock that we needed when the storms came. Renée and I, each in our own way, weathered the on-rushing waves of despair and anguish and fear and heartbreak. We have been a little soggy, but never drowned, windblown, but not blown away, shaken, but not broken. We have grown stronger in the tempest.

In the Eye of the Hurricane.

Our faith in God, and our unconditional love for Jessica as a result, has been the eye in the center of the hurricane and our inspiration. Jessica’s life intertwined with ours, and heated in the crucible of this unexpected tragedy, has forged us into something greater than any one of us could have been alone. It has been both a humbling, vibrant experience and a miraculous growing experience, embracing life with this little ‘blessed one,’ because she has blessed us. We have been blessed way beyond my ability to adequately express it to you.

All I can do is try my best.

I have had my dark moments, but deep down inside, my faith in, and knowledge of, the truth of God, has revived me. Remember, I said I was a skeptic, but I was intellectually honest and I sought the answers. I attended lectures by Josh McDowell and James Dobson and many others. I read books and listened to tapes, and tried the ‘evidence’ to the limit, and when the results were in, I knew the truth and so can you.

I have to agree with something, Josh McDowell, the former agnostic and skeptic, often says:

“Even though I have traveled the world in defense of Christianity and talked to many thousands of people, about the evidence for Christianity, I have only encountered a mere handful of people who had a ‘genuine intellectual problem’ with Christianity, most have a ‘lifestyle’ problem.” 

In other words, you have to be very honest with yourself. Do you really want to know the truth?

I promise you, if you really do want to know the truth, you can. Why not be free?

If you have never honestly checked out the facts, I encourage you to do so. It could be the most important thing you have ever discovered. It was for me.

All you need is to be intellectually honest.

Who knows? Maybe you are almost at the top of the roller coaster, or just heading up? The downward rush is coming.

If you want to survive and grow stronger in your life’s special situations, realize that you are not alone. God makes it very clear in the Bible that you have to choose to be alone.

I hope you will ‘choose wisely.’ 

You will, won’t you?

If you do, He will never leave you, or forsake you.

A BIG Personal Question.

For obvious reasons, there is another area about which we often get questions. It is the ‘vaccination’ question.

The overwhelming concern that parents of young children often have after they hear our story is, “Should my child have the shots?”

I debated addressing this question, but finally decided that I would be dishonest to avoid the issue. I do have opinions I must share. I agree that this is a very personal decision that every parent must make.

So, for what it’s worth, here is my personal answer. Remember I am not a doctor or a medical professional. However, I am the parent of a vaccine injured child.

Prevailing medical opinion says that vaccinations are not a bad thing, but you should be able to make an informed decision, because after all, who is signing the authorization forms and taking all of the responsibility? It is you, not your doctor.

My first suggestion is to ask your doctor about the dangers of all vaccinations. You will be asked to give your children many of these. DPT, measles and polio are common.

If your Doctor tells you there is no such thing as vaccine injury or talks down to you for being a panicky parent, (Sometimes well meaning medical people will say,“…well you know… it’s a numbers game…”) My advice, and it’s what I did, is to find another doctor. If they have that opinion, they are either under informed or under educated or willing to risk ‘your children’ because of their biases. Be very careful. You can’t undo it.

I think you can understand the strong feelings I have, since I know first hand that vaccine injury is a very real threat.

Exercise Caution.

Once again, I want to make something very clear here. I am giving you my personal opinion. I am not saying that you should avoid all vaccinations. I can explain my position best with this illustration.

I have seen airplanes fly and I have traveled on them. I know they are very safe and efficient and rarely malfunction or crash.

However, I don’t think that as a result, we should stop spending the money and time on implementing and exercising airplane safety. Even heavily trained pilots do what is called a ‘walk-around’ before taking off. They circle the airplane and check out things for themselves, before climbing in the cockpit.

It is the prudent thing to do. It is the smart thing to do.

When it comes to your child and your family, you are the ‘pilot’.

Be smart. Be prudent. Remember you cannot ‘un-ring the bell.’ 

Here are a few other personal, practical guidelines based on my experiences and research over the years:

(1) There is a nervous system developmental process called ‘myelination’ that is important to understand.

When your baby is born, their nervous system is all in place, but not fully protected. Think of it as a bunch of wires without any insulation. During the first 18 months or so of their life, this ‘insulation’ grows over their ‘bare wires,’ so to speak.

Thus, the ‘myelination’ process. Until that is complete, their system is virtually unprotected from an attack on their nervous system and brain. It makes no sense to me to give them vaccinations when they are only months old and in that unprotected state. In addition, up until about two years old, they are still at an increased risk of damage and are unable to give you direct feedback. They can’t tell you how they feel. Why risk it? Remember, you are in charge of your child. How safe do you want to be?

(2) If your child has been sick in anyway, within six weeks of the shot, wait.

Their immune system may be weak or compromised. (especially true if they were premature) The schedules can be flexible. Exercise caution here. Your choice.

(3) I don’t believe in clustering the shots (i.e. Diphtheria and Pertussis and Tetanus or DPT all at the same time)

There is no medical reason for doing this… it is for convenience only. You can separate the shots, and in some cases use oral types as a substitute. I have seen no studies that check the safety of this ‘clustering’ practice. As far as I know they do not exist.

(4) Any history of reaction to vaccinations in your family?

If so, proceed with extreme caution.You are at a greater risk,
or at least in a higher risk group. Once again, remember you are in charge of protecting your child and some things can not be undone. Be an educated and informed parent.

I had never heard of severe injury from DPT shots until I experienced it first hand. If you want my advice, don’t be naive. Remember, doctors are no different than plumbers. Get a good one. Don’t be bullied or intimidated by any medical person. Vaccine injury is very real and very permanent.

The sad part about vaccines, is that the vaccine manufacturers have turned the system into a‘profit center.’ Curing disease and helping mankind takes a backseat to ‘other’ ambitions.

In the USA we are the most vaccinated population in the world. Yet many odd afflictions shadow the rapid growth in vaccine production and administration. Check it out at www.NVIC.org

The ‘Vaccine Injury Act of 1986’ was designed to address most childhood vaccination injuries. (DPT, Polio and Measles)

If you think your child or a child you know has been injured in any way by their immunization vaccinations, you should check it out.

Be Aware. Be Very Aware.

Recent research indicates that my daughter was most likely injured by the additives in her DPT vaccine. What I am encouraging you to become, is a proactive parent. Be aware of the perils so that you can protect your child as needed.

Understanding Love.

Love is another tool at your disposal, when trying to cope with the disabled and developmentally impaired or injured person. Handicapped children are just like the the rest of us, we all need love and acceptance, and lots of it.

I am not talking about the ‘bat your eyes’ kind of love. I am talking about ‘real’ love, true ‘unselfish love’ as described best in the Bible.You have to die to yourself and love others, without expecting anything in return.

‘Sacrificial love’ is the only love that will last.

Love the disabled object of your caregiving unconditionally, and show it in your actions. They need to feel it in your voice, and in your touch. I was told by well meaning professionals that Jessica was just an empty shell and would never lead a productive life. They said that, “She would be just as happy,” locked up in what I would call, a cold gray institution, where all of her ‘needs’ would be met.

Hmmm… I don’t think so.

Probably one of the greatest things we have done for her was that we just loved her without reservation. We held her and we hugged her and we kissed her and tickled her feet. We showered her with affection, and at the same time treated her with dignity.

Love is never wasted. In fact, it is probably the most universal language in the world, reaching even those who can’t speak.

We have loved Jessica unconditionally, and guess what? She loves us back. Our hearts are broken like humpty dumpty, but we go on, knowing that the day will come, when no more tears will be needed, but not just yet… no, not yet.

Jessica is now in her thirties. We are in our seventies.

It just seems like yesterday that she grabbed my finger so fiercely the first time we met. I marvel at how we have all grown up together… Renée and I and our other two children.

Our love has grown, our empathy and unselfish love for others and each other has grown. Our loyalty and concern for each other has grown. We have staggered forward, helping each other when have we stumbled, and we have grown stronger.

I would imagine that, some people look at our lives and observe,

“They have taken their broken child and tried to fix her as she grew up,” but the truth is, Jessica fixed us, refining and improving us over the last 30 plus years, as we all grew up together. Jessica has changed us for the better.

What Wonderful Precious Memories We Have.

What memories we have. God has been faithful to us. The precious memories keep coming.

I remember when my grandson, Elijah James, was born. He was only a few days old when we went to visit him. As we were leaving we showed him to Jessica for the first time as she sat in her wheelchair. She looked him full in the face and broke into a marvelous dimpled smile. We all bawled like babies that day.

We have always kept Jessica in our family room in the middle of everything, where the action is, so she can be included, as much as possible, in everything that happens day to day.

When Elijah was three years old, I remember watching him tenderly trying to help Jessica up, when she fell while trying to sit up on her pad on the floor. Finally, succeeding in helping her, he looks at her with an approving smile and reaches over and tickles her ribs and goes, “kootchie koo, Jessica.”

I had to turn away with tears in my eyes.

Our Wonderful Plans.

A few years ago, I made Jamie and Jon matching chess sets. They are identical and made from the same pieces of wood. I wanted to give them for sentimental reasons. Something that would always link them together over the years. Some of the cherry wood I used is from a huge cherry tree they used to play on, that once stood in our back yard. On the inside of the lid is the following inscription on a brass plaque:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

That verse pretty much sums up our outlook for the future.

Blessings in Disguise.

I know we will likely face more perilous times together, but everything will work together for good in our lives. For instance, in January 2004, we made another trip to the emergency room and Jessica spent another six days hospitalized. Not fun.

While she was in there however, she received respiratory therapy with a new device called ‘The Vest®’. It is kind of an inflatable life jacket looking thing, that applies pressure and pulsing vibrations, to clear and keep clear her lungs and airways.

Seeing how effectively it worked, we decided to pro-actively give her twice daily treatments at home. Guess what? They had recently introduced a compact and completely portable unit.

We now have one, and it has improved Jessica’s respiratory system, circulation and muscle tone. It is an amazing machine manufactured by an amazing company. So that gruesome hospital trip was a ‘blessing in disguise,’ as they say.

Seeing the Big Picture.

If you will bear with me, there is one more Bible verse that comes to mind. It is another favorite of ours that helps us keep our focus on the big picture.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

Your future and mine are coming under the watchful eye of God… ready or not. Kind of a sobering thought, I think.

The Future.

I can see my future in my mind’s eye.

Someday, I will walk out of a lovely forest into a sweet meadow of waving wildflowers. The air will smell fresh and fragrant and alive. I will look up into the rising sun and see a small figure walking towards me across the field.

As I watch, she will begin to run like the wind towards me. Throwing herself into my arms and hugging me fiercely, she will shout, “I love you daddy!” and I will answer with joy, “I love you too, Jessica. I have always loved you.”

Then later… much later, I will reach out for her beautiful delicate hand, and we will go for a long walk among the singing forest of trees, because we will have a lot to talk about… and we will have all of the time we need.

That’s my future… growing up with Jessica.

This CONCLUDES this Blog Posting, “Growing Up… with Jessica.”

In February while vacationing in Hawaii with my entire family, I suffered an acute heart attack which required two separate surgeries to correct. My life was saved by my new Hawaiian ‘ohana,’ another amazing adventure in Jessica-land. I learned once again that, as my Island friends kept telling me, “God has your back, Yah?”

After returning to the mainland, I experienced another set of medical issues requiring more surgeries. Due to the impact of all of this I am suspending my blog  posts indefinitely, or at least until I can finish my new book, “Prayers from Jessica.”

“Prayers From Jessica.” Is a sharing of ‘God’s Promises of Comfort and Encouragement’ that we have turned to over our many years of caregiving.

Thanks for your interest.

Jim, Renée & Jessica