Off We Go… Into the Void.

Off We Go… Into the Void.

GUWJ4_P033.410.15_loresAlone on an Island.

After experiencing the terror of the unknown everything seemed like it was back to normal. The whole experience, the twisting, the brush with what appeared to be a tramatic death, all seemed lke a bad dream. But it was a very vivid one. A nightmare that even today I cannot shake.

After we returned with Jessica to the doctor’s office, we sat quietly waiting in the lobby of the medical center, watching a steady stream of coughing, sniffing children pass in front of us.

It was now nearly 7 pm.

Sitting there, feeling very alone on our own little island, we had been waiting for almost four hours. The routine had become monotonous… staring at little Jessica who was sleeping in her baby carrier at our feet… a furtive glance up when the nurse would appear to call the next patient… a glimmer of hope and then disappointment… a glance at each other and then back to watching our baby.

Jessica looked so perfectly normal as we looked at her peacefully dozing, her long curly eyelashes and gentle breathing made the experience of a few hours ago seem very distant. Maybe… just maybe… there was a chance… but, no… the reality of the horror I had witnessed was seared in my mind, like nothing I had ever seen. Even today as I write this, many years later, the pain I felt then, comes flooding back as I force myself to re-live the experience.

“Jessica Walker?” I jumped, as the tired sounding voice of our doctor’s nurse, interrupted my thoughts.

Confronting Our Fears.

We gathered Jessica up, and headed through the door, down the hallway to the examining room that we had left just hours before, but, this time, Renée, Jessica and I were different people. We had stepped out of our comfortable little world, into an unknown and apparently dangerous new one.

The lines of fatigue were clearly showing on our doctor’s face as he listened to our recounting of the afternoon’s events, occasionally nodding, sometimes looking skeptical or puzzled. Then, as we finished, he sat there silently. It was very, very quiet in the room. My heart was thumping hard as I waited for him to speak.

The Confrontation.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor cleared his throat, shrugged and began to speak, “…uhmm, well you know.. Jessica is very young and …well, babies do some funny things.”

He stood and moved toward the door with a shrug, “It’s most likely nothing to be concerned about,” he said, as he continued toward the door, his hand reaching for the knob.

In my mind, I was replaying everything: Renée’s terrifying scream… the jerking… the paleness… the whites of Jessica’s eyes showing through her half open eyelids… the smell of death. I stepped in front of the doctor and shut the door.

Our eyes met and I couldn’t help noticing the startled look on his face. It was the moment of truth and we were going to find the answer!

I had to know what was going on.

Next Week: ‘My Moment of Truth.’

I will continue to share the answers to the question “What happened to Jessica” every Monday in the weeks ahead. When I have received sufficient feedback and questions, I will add a Thursday episode, as needed, to this blog, focused on answering your questions and comments. Thanks for your interest. Jim, Renee & Jessica

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